Wednesday, September 15, 2004


9 True Things You May Not Know About Radio People: The Veil Of Secrecy Is Lifted

1. 50% of our wardrobes really do consist of free t-shirts: t-shirts from Radio stations we’ve worked for, t-shirts given to us for participating in charity events and t-shirts from movie and record promtions. If you are ever at a garage sale and you see more than 2 t-shirts with Radio station logos on them, chances are very good a Radio person lives there. (Make sure you fumigate anything you buy.)

2. Evening DJs get propositioned more than any other air-shift, usually from under-age females. Being seduced by any of these little pixies is also known as “walking the jail-bait tightrope”.

3. “Rule of the Phones”: if she sounds sexy, more times than not, she isn’t. Generally, the ladies who call into Radio stations, in the hopes of luring the DJ into some kind of rendevouz, fall into one of these categories: 1) someone Richard Simmons should be praying next to 2) Stalkers or 3) 14 year-old Lolitas who are fully prepared to testify in court.

4. You can get on almost any Radio station to promote something if you bring the morning show food. Morning DJs lose all sense of propriety, right, and wrong when you offer them a cinnamon bun with enough icing to put a diabetic into a coma. Other sure-fire ways into the studio: pizza, subs, ribs (big in the South), donuts, and Starbucks.

5. You’re not crazy: Radio people really ARE weird. Seriously. Some of them are close to psychotic. Most probably fall into the middle: safely bizarre. Why? Nobody knows. The best we can figure, there is something about the mixture of power to control a medium and the ability to perform on it which attracts this one segment of society which could not possibly function within the confines of a standard, 9 - 5 job. Is it any wonder more and more health care plans in Radio now offer psychological benefits? Mmmm?

6. Yes, we really DO get fired as much as you’ve heard. Radio people get fired because formats change, because ratings go down, because Radio stations get sold, because of budget cuts, because of vendettas, because some drink too much and don’t show up for work, because some drink too much and DO show up for work, and because morals clauses in contracts are sometimes broken (Please see: Evening DJs).

7. You don’t want to see us in person. Really. We usually look: fatter, thinner, older, and younger than you thought. We never equal your imagination. We should be required to wear ski masks on all external outings - for the good of all humanity.

8. We’re pathetic whiners. Really. We bitch and moan about how hard it is to drag our butts out of bed at 3 A.M. just so we can sit on our ass for four hours and talk. Please.

9. We have a high divorce rate. Why? For starters we move around a lot. You should only marry someone in Radio if you either 1) have a personal U-Haul 2) have a relative in the moving business or 3) you have tiny little wheels surgically attached to the bottoms of your feet. Besides the moving problem, marriages and relationships of Radio people are constantly tested by fans who come on to them. (Please see: Evening DJs.)

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