Monday, November 28, 2005


Secret Code

After numerous rounds of "We don't know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter an it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:


Bush was baffled, so he E-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.

With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply:

"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."


Rest in peace, Dave Mulder

I just got word this morning that a fellow racer and neighbor, Dave Mulder, passed away over the holiday weekend. Dave apparently had a heart attack, although details are thin at this point. He was a member of the Furrin Group, an autocross and rally club I've belonged to for many years. Not too long ago, Dave and his family moved into the home at the end of my street: right there in my cul de sac, just 4 houses down from me. He stopped my wife one day and asked "Is this John Hammer's house?" because he recognized my truck from club events.

He was in my driveway just days ago, talking about how we should go to the Sno Drift Rally together in January. He was always trying to get me to a rally.

He'll be missed for sure, both in our racing community and on my street.

Sunday, November 20, 2005


Turkey & Turkeys

Coming up on Thanksgiving...hmmmm... Glad I don't have to cook a turkey this year. I really enjoy cooking, but there's something too stressful about doing a full Thanksgiving meal. It takes something that I enjoy and turns it into an irritating performance. Ironic since my career is a "performance" of sorts and I embrace that.

Speaking of performances... I'm really disappointed in my buddy Warren, he was our morning host at our rock station. I say he "was" because while he'd turned in his 2 weeks notice, he decided to up & quit on us after just 1 week. So, this coming week we're left hanging with no morning show. That's where I come in. I got the call from our Program Director on Saturday asking if I could fill in this week. Well, I'm not stupid, sure I will. I've said it before, I'd say it again: if the right opportunity came along, I'd go back on the air in a heartbeat. So, I'll be up at the asscrack of dawn on Monday...if you're in the area, check me out on Rock 107 WIRX!

Monday, November 14, 2005


Must-Have Tools...

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted airplane part you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...."

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for for the last 15 minutes.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.

PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog **** off your boot.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16 INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.


TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm
howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years ago by someone at ERCO, and neatly rounds off their heads.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50ยข part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts.

DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need.

EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight

Saturday, November 12, 2005


NASCAR recognizes Spec Miata!

"Spec cars, such as SCCA Spec Miata, and now NASCAR -- and increasingly Formula 1--take the car out of the equation and it becomes more driver vs. driver. This is the purest form of racing, and in some cases, such as Spec Miata, it might not draw a crowd, but so what? We're talking pure sport. I predict that in the next two decades, every major type of racing will be a spec series."

- H.A. "Humpy" Wheeler

Humpy is one of the most influential track owners in the country. I find it very exciting that he recognizes what we do with the BigMouthRacing team: racing Spec Miata!


4 Hours Racing a Miata

This is a fantastic video (about 5 minutes, it streams) that follows the new 2006 Miata race car in a race that features media types.

One of the interesting things I noticed was that the softtop appears to still be in the cars and the rollcage is mounted around it. That has been a concern from guys like me who began our motorsports careers by taking our street cars, adding rollbars and going to the track for lapping days. The new top appeared to make the addition of a rollbar difficult...hopefully this proves that it's not.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

amazing counters
NutriSystem Coupons